


The Aftermath of Lucifer

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Cas Needs hugs, Cas needs love, Castiel Angst, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Castiel Loves Humanity, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Cute, Castiel and Mental Health Issues, Castiel in the Bunker, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Coda to 11x18, Crying Castiel, Dean Has Feelings For Castiel, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Castiel, Dean is a Sweetheart, Depressed Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Men of Letters Bunker, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Panda you are awesome, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel, Psychological Trauma, Romance, SPN writers I wanna punch you in the throat, Sick Castiel, Stop Hurting Cas 2k16, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 00:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6542500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A companion piece of "You Are Worthy Cas". So basically this is Cas dealing with the aftermath of Lucifer's possession.<br/>Dedicated to Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel because she was having such a shitty day :) you're awesome!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Crowley%27sMooseSquirrel%27sAngel).



            Dean certainly wasn’t expecting Cas to jump back like ‘old’ Cas, but he wasn’t sure he was prepared for the horribly subdued nature of Cas’ behavior. If he hadn’t wanted to leave the bunker before, it was even worse now. In fact he had camped out in Deans’ room and refused to leave.

            Another thing, not that Dean minded much besides it being worrisome, but Cas wouldn’t leave his side. The first couple days back he wouldn’t even let go of Deans' hand. He kind of followed him around like a lost puppy. And he wouldn’t really speak, he just seemed to hover nearby, sometimes so close Dean had half a mind to say ‘personal space, Cas’ but he would not _dare_ say anything like that. Not when it was so obvious that Cas was anything far from alright. Every time he stopped to confront Cas and say ‘please talk to me’ Cas’ ocean wide eyes would be glassy and quiet and then Dean would only usher them to bed. He’d wrap him up more than tight, hold him close, and hope he could put the pieces back together. With Cas’ mojo so low, or gone, Dean nor Sam were quite sure. Cas slept. They’d fallen into a routine of dinner, Netflix, sometimes YouTube videos and then Dean would have to tug a lulling Cas to bed.

 

            Dean opened his eyes, with a deep breath of new morning air, he glanced to his right and Cas was fast asleep. Hair a mess in ways that reminded him of the old days and plump, pink mouth slightly open heaving soft breaths.

            Dean eased his way out of bed, successfully not making the mattress creak or groan in protest to the loss of weight. When Cas merely snuffled in his sleep and turned over on his side from his back, Dean grinned in triumphant.

            Dean showered and dressed and met Sam in the kitchen, “Hey Sammy, I’m gonna head out for some supplies, given that he’s kinda of angel not angel, whatever, dude needs to eat. I’m gonna pick up some of that honey he likes and peanut butter and jelly. Well, and bread, I think all we have here is a bag of candy and a six pack.” Dean stuffed his wallet in his jacket and then was struck by Sam staring at him in some weird little brother adoration way, “What?”

            “Nothin’,” Sam grinned, “I just think it’s nice.”

            “Nice what?”

            “You takin’ care of Cas,” Sam’s smile softened with seriousness, “He needs this, he needs you. And you’re doing a helluva job, I haven’t seen you all mother henning like that since I was a kid.”

            “Yeah, let’s not get all chick flick moment bullshit,” Dean grumbled, cheeks tinging pink as he snatched up his keys from the doorway hook, “Just keep an eye on him huh? He’s still sleeping I won’t be more than an hour.”

 

            Dean set the groceries to the bunkers’ kitchen counter, unpacking one item at a time, setting all Cas’ things in one pile, smiling at his findings. He’d found everything he’d been looking for, right name brands and everything. He even found local organic honey, he wasn’t sure what the difference was, but Cas knew the difference and that was all that mattered. He nearly dropped said honey when Sam burst in the kitchen, eyes darting.

            “Thank God you’re home!”  
            “What’s wrong?!” Dean found himself shouting.

            “It’s Cas, he’s-he’s having a panic attack or something, woke up looking for you. He couldn’t find you and freaked! I tried to calm him down but I can’t seem to reach him.”

            “Where’s he at?!” Dean demanded, already unconsciously following Sam down the hallway.

            “He’s in the living room, that’s where he went looking, but I can’t get him to move,” Sam explained.

            As soon as Dean spotted him huddled on the floor near the couch he was sprinting to where he sat, “Cas, hey, hey, hey, I’m right here,” it was now that he was close enough to touch that he could feel the damn near vibration in Cas’ limbs. Dean took his chin in one hand directing his sight to his own, “Baby, you hear me?”

            Cas shouted, high-pitched, and almost non-human, launching backwards away from Deans’ touch, miscalculating and hitting the floor, “Fire, there’s f-fire, it burns…”

            “Cas,” Deans’ eyes were wide as saucers at this point, balancing on his haunches, moving inch by inch closer to Cas’ cowering form, “Babe, there aren’t any flames, no flames, you need to breathe.”

            “Yes, there are, but it’s cold,” Cas gasped, “It’s so cold…Dean!”

            Dean was horrified to suddenly experience the presence of Cas’ sobs, “Cas, listen, please, you’re not there…”

            For Cas it was like tidal wave after tidal wave of burning, ice cold waves that ate through the thin flesh of his eyes, down his throat, taking firm grip of his heart and squeezing. He could hear his own screaming and out of control breathing. It was only when he felt Dean clutching both his hands, did he realize he was damn near pulling his hair from the roots, his scalp tingling and burning. But he couldn’t breathe and he hated it. That and he couldn’t seem to get a lung full of breath in, no matter how he tried. He locked eyes with Dean, “I-I c-can’t b-breathe….so-so cold, it’s cold…it hurts…please…”

            “Sammy! Get me a blanket!” Cas thought he may have heard through the pumping and thumping in his ears, his heart never more prominent that it was now in his chest.

            Dean snatched the thick over-sized cotton blanket from Sam’s hands, without thinking twice he wrapped it around Cas’ shoulders and then was pulling him forward to cocoon him in the fabric, “Gonna lift you up here on the couch, Cas,” Dean said, scooping Cas up and settling them both to the plush surface of the old couch, he situated the blanket around him more snuggly. He even draped it slightly over his head to create a hood, “Breathe baby, breathe. You gotta slow those breaths or you’re gonna hyperventilate.”

            He continued this mantra like a prayer, using his free hand to comb his fingers endlessly through Cas’ dark hair, massaging his scalp. Thankfully after at least a painstaking 15 minutes, Cas’ breaths slowed, his chest didn’t seem to be heaving painfully any longer. And with that he gave a non-verbal ‘it’s cool’ to Sam that left them alone. But Cas was still shaking like he was sitting in a drift of snow, “Hey, you hear me?”

            “Dean?” Cas croaked, voice already wrecked.

            “Yeah, you with me?” Dean asked carefully, holding him closer, if that were even possible, pressing lips to his forehead.

            “I was there,” Cas sobbed, loud and messy and without warning. His cries popped up like bullets.

            Dean tried not to flinch at the heartbreaking sound, “Where Cas? Where were you at?”

            “He didn’t just leave me alone…he’d…dangle a reality I wanted…and then take it away…and then there would be cold. So cold…it hurt so much, and I couldn’t find you. Even in the delusion…I couldn’t…I couldn’t find warmth…I’ve never felt that kind of cold. Not since…I fell and became human…not even then.”

            Dean’s heart leapt and he felt sick, “Cas, you’re here with me, you feel me? You’re not going anywhere, fucking nowhere,” he fixed the blanket tighter around him, Cas in his lap at this point, he made sure the blanket covered his legs and bare feet. As big as it was it wasn’t hard.

            “I would forget, what he was doing to me…why it was so easy, to just stay…” he slurred in exhaustion, “He would burn me so badly I almost forgot my own name…and then offer me such comfort…that was here…and you…he offered you…”

            “Oh Cas,” Dean hissed against his temple, before placing a careful kiss, then one and then another. His eyes were stinging fiercely, “That son of a bitch is gone and he ain’t ever gonna touch you again.”

            “You weren’t here when I woke up,” Cas whimpered, sickened by the weakness in his own voice. But even with his cries losing strength he nuzzled into the warm nape of Dean’s neck, inhaling deeply and purposely. His scent of leather and oil calming his nerves.

            “I went out to get groceries, should’ve had Sammy do it, I’m sorry babe, I’m sorry,” Dean sighed, he felt sick with grief, he honestly did not think that Cas would react to his absence in such a way. He knew why though. Because Dean had never been consistent, not one goddamn time through their relationship, so before all Cas knew he’d disappeared completely, “Cas,” he leaned down, kissing his still panting mouth, “I ain’t going anywhere, never, got it? I’m here, for good. You’re all I want.”

            Cas hiccupped, spent cries still working their way out of his chest, buried far too long, “You promise…”

            “Yes, Cas, I promise, I swear on everything I love, and that’s you and Sam. I ain’t going anywhere, I love you,” Dean sighed roughly, kissing him deeply once more on the lips before kissing both cheeks, “You okay? You alright now?”

            “I-I think so,” Cas stammered, feeling stupid now that the panic finally passed.

            “You wanna stay here for a while?” Dean asked, rubbing his back in careful circles through the thick blanket.

            “Yes, if you wouldn’t mind,” Cas said barely above a whisper, eyes feeling like lead.

            “Okay, that’s okay,” Dean soothed, lips in his hair once more, “And then I’ll make you breakfast. I’ve got that honey you like and guess what else?”

            Cas finally took a full deep breath, looking up from Dean’s chest, “What’s that?”

            “Peanut butter and jelly,” Dean grinned, “Grape jelly.”

            And Cas finally smiled, “I’d like that very much,” his chest feeling calm once more and feeling as though his feet were finally on the ground.

            Dean swallowed and smiled, nodded, “Anything you want babe.”


	2. Psychosis of Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam voices concern of Cas' current condition and Dean agrees he finally needs to face the outside world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people, glad you liked the first chapter, so here's a follow up chapter, probably will have one more. Enjoy! :D

Cas was idly aware of the soft spoken voices, as well as the gentle rumbling of Deans’ voice as he spoke low and careful. Cas could make such a deduction given that his ear was against Deans’ chest. He was in and out of sleep, barely conscious of what was being spoken around him. So it wasn’t exactly that he was faking being asleep, he just wasn’t quite awake.

            “Dean, he hasn’t left the bunker in three weeks!” Sam uttered in a harsh whisper, “And the whole ‘never leaving your side thing’…”

            “What the hell you mean?” Dean answered in a subdued tone, but Cas knew if they were both awake he’d be yelling.

            “Dean, come _on_ he holds your hand, like some little kid,”

            “He’s having a hard time, keep it down you’ll wake him up, so what if he holds my hand, we’re together now, that’s what couples do if you’ve forgotten.” Dean growled.

            “Yeah, hold hands now and then, not just to leave one room for another, you haven’t had one moment alone since he’s been back.” Sam continued.

            Cas’ heart bounced at that statement, he tried to feign sleep still, even though his eyes began to water over. He’d never wanted to be a burden to Dean, but he’d never complained about the closeness. He’d thought it was okay, thought it felt right, and that Dean felt the same way.

            “It doesn’t bother me Sammy,” Dean sighed, “If it makes him feel safe I’ll do it.”

            “Yeah, but it’s not healthy, he needs to get out. Hell, we haven’t been on a case in weeks!”

            “I don’t care,” Dean replied resolutely, so much so Cas had to control the need to flinch, “Cas is hurt, he’s healing, I ain’t leavin’ him. End of story.”

            “I’m not asking you to leave him, geeze, give me some credit. I just think he needs to get out some, both of you,” Sam argued.

            Cas felt Dean lean closer and brush the hair from his eyes and then lips on his temple, “Cas, damnitt, you’re awake aren’t you?”

            Cas turned towards Dean carefully, “Only for a little while.”

            And when Dean noticed his eyes glistening a roll of anger churned in his gut, “Good job Sammy, you happy?”

            “I’m just concerned is all…” Sam began, eyes narrowed in that annoying puppy dog way.

            “I never meant to burden you Dean, I hadn’t realized…that I was being so dependent on you…I-I’m-I’m sorry…”

            Cas couldn’t even finish.

            “Don’t you dare fucking apologize!” Dean near shouted, “There isn’t anything wrong with you wanting to be close to me. Fuck…everything you’ve been through the last year. Hell, just…everything you’ve been through since you’ve met me for Christ’s sake.”

            “But still…” Cas started.

            “Sam, get out,” Dean huffed.

            “Fine, great, sorry for being worried.” He closed the door behind him.

            “Dean….”

            “Cas, you aren’t a burden,” Dean stopped him, silencing him with a gentle kiss.

            “But you are accommodating my trauma…because you are afraid of hurting me…I am not breakable…”

            “I never said ya were, but you need rest, you need a break…God Cas. Did you ever think that I might need this too?”

            “As Sam said, I am taking this to an unhealthy level…it is disgraceful…I cannot even leave a room without you by my side…” his breathing hitched and he only noticed he was doing so when he felt Dean’s arms around him.

            “Cas, babe, it’s okay, it’s been a long time without…you ever think you’re just making up for lost time?” Dean asked with pure honesty in his voice, “We’ll work up to it, huh?”

            “I suppose,” Cas frowned, “Why didn’t you just speak to Sam outside? To keep me from hearing?”

            “Cause I promised Cas,” Deans’ brow was furrowed, “I said I wouldn’t leave you alone if ya didn’t ask for it and I mean it. Not until you say it’s okay for you to be on your own, I ain’t gonna do it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            It was two weeks later that Dean did in fact begin to agree with Sam, although he wouldn’t admit it out loud. The first mentioning of ‘let’s go out’ Cas freaked, breathing out of control, and hand so tight in Deans’ he thought it might break.

            “Cas, hey, man, can we talk?” Dean asked, sitting at the kitchen table where Cas was staring at his tea.

            “About?”

            “Why exactly you don’t wanna go out, I mean I get it with the anxiety of ‘what’s out there?’. But we axed the devil, you’re back here, you’re safe. There aren’t any big bads out there to get you. Talk to me.”

            Cas twisted his fingers, tea officially abandoned, “I-I just don’t want to, why would I need to leave? Everything I need is here.”

            “Oh, I don’t know, vitamin D, fresh air?”

            “I can’t!” Cas huffed, hands in his lap now, and head down.

            “Why Cas, please, tell me,” Dean begged.

            “Because…because…if I leave the bunker…it could be just a dream…this could all be just a dream. And I can’t, I just can’t…” those stupid tears were swelling up in his eye and already falling down his cheeks, “I have to stay here, to stay safe, he said to never leave the bunker. Whenever I tried to leave…he burned me…he took you away…I have to stay…I can’t risk losing you, even if it isn’t real.”

            Dean left his seat and leaning against the kitchen table, took Cas’ face in his hands, “Cas,” he bent down and kissed him gently, “This is all real, you want me to pinch you?”

            “It never worked that way,” Cas stuttered, control waning.

            “Okay, I get it, but what if you did step outside and you saw it was all real…then this anxiety you’re having gets better. You can’t stay in here forever, babe.” Dean smiled softly, one hand still stroking Cas’ damp face, “You won’t be going alone, I’ll go with you, it’s a real nice day, not even too windy for Kansas.”

            “I-I don’t know…”

            “I’ll be with you every step of the way; you know that right? Come on,” he reached out a hand, wiggling his fingers, “Come on, it’ll be alright, I promise.”

            Cas took a deep breath and took the outstretched hand, “Dean, I-I don’t know if I can do it.”

            “It’s okay, we’ll just sit by the door, no biggy right? If you can’t go outside, we won’t do it.” Dean smiled, running one thumb over the top of Cas’ hand.

            “A-Alright I suppose.”

            Dean maneuvered them to the door of the bunker and merely opened it up, the whoosh of fresh air making Cas flinch, “You okay?”

            “I-I think so,”

            “Just one step, that’s all, one foot on the outside and you’ll see this is all real,” Dean assured, “I’m right here.”

            Cas gulped and took a breath, forehead already damp with sweat and even with every fiber of his being screaming ‘no’ he stepped out alongside with Dean, feeling the solid surface of the walkway that led to the road beneath his feet.

            “See? Still here, all still real,” Dean was grinning, he brought one of Cas’ hands to his lips pressed a kiss, making a loud smacking noise that garnered Dean a small smile from his angel.

            “It is,” Cas trembled, the sun hurting his eyes for only a moment.

            “Let’s get up on the grass, huh?” Dean gently tugged him forward up the small hill that led to a patch of woods. Keeping them out in the open Dean urged Cas to lay on the grass the was plush and green with the introduction of Spring, “Relax, take a breath.”

            Cas did as told, even though it was more stuttering than smooth, “Dean…”

            “Right here, just breathe, it’s so warm out, focus on that. Pine trees smell pretty good too, you smell that?”

            Cas took an uneven breath, “Yes, I-I do,”

            “What do you see up there? What shape? That big one in the middle?” Dean asked, arm outstretched and finger pointing.

            It was only when Cas opened his eyes did he realize that Dean was pointing at a cloud, “What?”

            “Boat or car? I think it’s a car for sure, look at that back end, gotta be a Buick 79’,” Dean grinned, head turned towards Cas just long enough to study his face before he made eye contact.

            “I don’t know what a 79’ Buick looks like so I suppose I’ll take your word,” Cas replied.

            Dean edged closer, close enough to snake an arm around Cas’ shoulders and draw him to his chest, “What about that one?”

            Cas was still blinking far too fast but then he forced his eyes open, prayed his breathing to settle and looked up at the sky, “A-A bird, I think, a hawk.”

            “Sure, sure, I can see that, big wings out that way,” Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head, thankful to feel no shaking.

            Cas inhaled deeply, finally closing his eyes and nuzzling closer to Deans’ chest, the sense of calm settling smartly.

            “See…you’re okay,” Dean spoke up after a long period of silence.

            “I suppose so,” Cas answered softly, sleepily.

            “How about next week I take you out fishing, you know how to do that?”

            “Only from observation, I’ve never done it myself,” Cas yawned.

            “Well then it’s a date,” Dean smirked, he was happy that they’d gotten this far, but to actually get away from the bunker itself would be a triumphant. And as he kissed Cas once more on the lips, he knew he’d done the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty please with angel kisses on top, review!!!! <3 <3 <3


	3. Cas Has Some Down Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets some down time, much needed down time, and I wrote this for my best friend Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel, she needs fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this 'after Lucifer stuff' and I'll keep doing it if people want it <3 so if you wanna see more leave a review

“Cas, shoes, socks, off, we’re supposed to be relaxing here!” Dean smirked as they both walked up on the dock.

            “Why?” Cas asked.

            “Cause you gotta keep cool, that’s why,” Dean smirked, he wrangled Cas to sit and did just that, removing his socks and shoes, “Don’t you know what comfortable is?”

            “I didn’t think that meant ‘removing clothes’” Cas answered.

            Dean admired the fact that Cas wasn’t in a suit or a jacket, he was clad in sweatpants and a flannel, his own actually, “Cas, babe, you gotta relax, just sit and take a breath.” He settled Cas on the edge of the dock and sat behind him, their legs dangling side by side.

            “Okay, this is how you do it, hand firm on the handle, one thumb on the button, you need to cast out where you want you want the bait but do not let go of the whole thing. Okay, arm back, thumb on the button and as you cast out let go of the button,”

            Cas didn’t do so bad, and the yellow and red bobber hit the water without foul.

            “Now we wait,” Dean grinned

            “For what?” Cas asked.

            “If it moves you have a bite,” Dean answered, “Ya gotta give it a yank, I mean not hard, but enough to set the hook.”

            And Dean had to refrain from laughing as he watched Cas eyeball the yellow and red bobber like prey. Why he expected any less he didn’t know.

            “Cas, you don’t have to kill it with your eyes, you’ll feel it too, relax,” Dean chuckled softly, and with that statement Cas’ shoulder did unhinge a small fraction. It also helped when Dean kneaded said shoulders, “See, isn’t this nice?”

            Cas took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Cicadas were humming idly in around them in countless trees, the air was warm but not too hot, almost like bathwater. In fact the cicadas were like a lullaby, he almost forgot about the lapping water at his feet, or the arms around his waist. He found himself leaning backwards against Dean’s chest, head falling to Dean’s shoulder.

            “You got a bite!” Dean broke the lullaby-like silence.

            Cas yanked as told and was soon fighting with a thing at the end of his line, “This doesn’t seem fair Dean, I’m stronger than this creature.”

            “Cas, just reel it in,”

            Cas moved the mechanism forward drawing the fish close to the two of them.

            “Bluegill! And a beauty too, your first fish Cas!” Dean grinned.

            “What do we do with it?” Cas asked, observing the greenish flesh, and flamboyant blue and orange gills where it breathed. Which seemed to be frantic at the moment.

            “We eat it of course, about five more of these and we gotta meal.”

            Cas’ brow furrowed quickly, “Dean, no, we lured this beautiful creature, we can’t do that,”

            “Cas, that’s fishin’”

            “You didn’t tell me that,” Cas trembled.

            “Cas,” Dean started.

            “You never told me we would be taking their lives, Dean,”

            Dean was looking into more than glassy eyes, threatening to tear, burst into tears was more like it, “Cas, really?”

            “We cannot kill these creatures Dean, we lured them in under false pretense, they believed they were obtaining food…it is a lie…Dean…please…”

            If Cas hadn’t looked like he was damned near close to crying he would have said screw it, but Cas DID look like he would lose it if he agreed, “Okay, okay, Cas, they’re going home, see?” the fish wriggled into the water and disappeared, “But you get to deal with Sam bitchin’ at us for bringin’ nothing back.”

 

            They made it home and Sam was greeting them at the door, “Hey, where’s the fish?”

            “Cas, wouldn’t let me kill anything, it ain’t my fault!” Dean began to argue.

            “Sam, they were too beautiful, and we were trapping them,” Cas’ much too blue eyes were coming up against Sam’s puppy face. And Cas won.

            “Castiel,” Sam began, voice soft and understanding, “Why did you go fishing then? Huh? That’s what you do, you bring fish home.”

            “I couldn’t,” Cas huffed, voice suddenly cracking, “Who we were to take their lives?”

            “Yeah, you try to reason with that,” Dean said, shaking his head.

            “I’ll think of something for dinner,” Sam said, disappearing into the kitchen.

            Dean chuckled, “Come on Cas, let’s get cleaned up.”

            “Did I do something wrong?” Cas was already asking.

            Dean wrapped an arm around his waist tugging him close, “No, of course not, did you have fun?”

            “It was indeed relaxing,”

            “Then that’s all that matters,” Dean was grinning.

            “But I feel as though I failed the task at hand, to obtain food, that was our goal was it not?” Cas frowned.

            “Hey, none of that,” Dean scolded, taking Cas’ face in one hand, “So Sam has to cook something else, so what,”

            “Only if he is not angry with me,”

            “Nah, he’ll be fine,” Dean said, shrugging off his jacket.

            “I feel dirty,” Cas sighed, actually it was more of a huff of annoyance than anything.

            “Still no word on your mojo? Still can’t zap the dirt away?” but Dean was already leading them both into the bathroom.

            Cas shook his head sadly, “I’m afraid not….my ordeal has left me quite weakened.”

            Dean leaned forward and turned the handles of the old porcelain basin, “Well, get your butt in the tub then, it’ll do you good, you didn’t get sunburnt did you?”

            “I-I don’t think so,” Cas said, looking over his own body as he shed his clothes with that kind of ‘not aware’ way of Cas’, “Um, what does ‘sunburnt’ look like?”

            “Your skin gets sore and red, but I-uh I don’t think you got burnt,” Dean tried not to blush at Cas’ nakedness and simply led Cas into the tub, “Sit down,” he gave a soft laugh and Cas obeyed.

            “Okay,” Cas replied, and there was no denying the sigh of relief that left his mouth as he sank into the water, “I have never quite understood this, what is the difference between ‘conditioner’ and ‘shampoo’, why must you need both? And shampoo seems so similar to soap, why not use it for everything?”

            “Cause, I don’t know, ya just don’t, do you need help?” and Dean would deny to the death that he offered to help his grown-angel boyfriend, whatever bathe, but here he was doing it because fuck, why not? If Cas needed help, and it made him feel good who was he to deny?

            “Better?” Dean murmured, without asking, running water over his dark hair, before adding shampoo. He worked the soap into his scalp that had Cas leaning back fully, eyes closed and deep, heady breaths.

            “Yes Dean, that feels very good,” he gave a hardly there shudder, and shimmied further into the warm water.

            “You know how to do this,” Dean smirked, “You just wanted _this_ ,” he emphasized his point by scratching his scalp, wriggling his fingers in a way that made Cas moan.

            “Perhaps,” and all be damned if Cas didn’t smirk in a knowing way of ‘I win’.

            _Sneaky bastard_. Dean thought, “Well angel, if pampered is what you were aiming for that’s what you’ll get.”

            Cas’ sleepy gaze locked with Dean’s just for a moment, a small rare grin breaking across his face that made Dean’s heart ping. It was the calmest Dean had seen him in days, especially since they’d tried venturing outside of the bunker. Before the swell of emotion could become too much, Dean pushed words over his lips, “Hey, you hungry?”

            Cas sighed vocally, “Yes, I am.”

            “Come on ya big baby, I’m not hauling you out of here, let’s get you dressed.”

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            They’d finished cleaning up and were now sitting in the kitchen in fresh clothes, Cas was sleepy and pliant, near leaning into Dean’s side as they sat.

            “Thankfully we had beef in the freezer, I don’t like defrostin’ stuff but it’ll have to do,” Sam said, setting plates out on the table.

            “Burgers, I don’t care how they came to be,” Dean smiled, “I’m hungry, Cas?”

            “Yes, hungry,” Cas stuttered a sigh, head suddenly resting on Dean’s shoulder.

            “You gonna eat?”

            “Mhmm,”

            “Cas, you’re sleepin’ sitting up, come on, eat up and we’ll settle on the couch, how about that?”

            Cas once again nodded languidly, he sat up once more, and lazily picked at his food, putting small bites in his mouth and chewing slowly, hardly eating at all but eating none the less.

            “Did this afternoon really wear you out that much?” Dean asked worriedly.

            “I’m-I’m still simply recovering,” Cas replied, eyes drooping.

            “Come on, movie time,” Dean tried to smile without trepidation, “You wanna join Sammy?”

            “Sure, sure, let me clean this up, you two go get settled,” Sam said, already grabbing plates.

           

            Dean urged Cas up from the kitchen bench and led him to the big plush couch, “Stay put, I’m gonna get some blankets,”

            Cas’ eyes followed Dean as he left the room, heart always thumping when he did so, but sure enough Dean returned with not one blanket, but an armful, “Here we go,” he plopped them on the end of the couch, took one and wrapped it around Cas’ shoulders, then took another and draped it over his lap, and yes, took one more and wrapped it around his own shoulders.

            “Dean, I’m alright,” he felt he needed to say aloud.

            “I know,” Dean spat, almost accusingly, “Of course you’re alright, I just thought we’d get cozy.”

            Sam arrived, after a long chorus of clinking dishes, “What do you guys wanna watch?”

            “It is up to you two,” Cas yawned, he wasn’t sure why but towards the evenings he always felt colder than during the day. Always more tired. He shivered and it wasn’t unnoticed by the brothers, Dean brought blankets for a reason he knew that. What he didn’t expect was Sam being fully aware as well. Because he was bent at the fireplace, and actively working on starting a fire, of which he had going strong within minutes. And neither brother said a word. This made Cas smile without meaning to.

            “Cas hasn’t really seen any artsy films,” Sam piped up.

            “Sam, no, no artsy films,” Dean growled, settling down on the couch and gathering Cas’ blankets covered body close without asking, making a warm cocoon.

            Cas wondered if Dean even knew what he was doing, he was situating the blankets around them as if it were some kind of surgery, because he was so careful about it. Dean being the big spoon and Cas the little spoon, he fixed the blankets around them perfectly that created a womb of warmth that already had Cas’ eyes drooping.

            “It’s not your typical vampire film Dean,” Sam continued to argue, “Only Lovers Left Alive is about the over industrialization of human existence.”

            “Ah shit, here we go, no, and whatever, you just have a crush on that Tim Hiddlestand, whatever his name is,”

            “It’s a good movie! And it’s Tom Hiddleston!” Sam spat, “Fine, what do you wanna watch, some slap stick shit movie? We are not watching Caddyshack,”

            “Let’s improvise, how about Groundhog Day?” Dean offered.

            “I’ve already lived that movie, I’d rather not do it again,” Sam frowned.

            “Fine, suggestions?”

            “Anything Disney? I know Cas hasn’t seen any of them,” Sam huffed.

            “Fine,” Dean rolled his eyes, now more concerned with his warm bundle at this point.

            “We’re watching Finding Nemo, end of story,” Sam answered, pressing the DVD into the player.

            “Finding Nemo,” Cas murmured, “Why is that important to find Nemo? Is Nemo a god?”

            “Just watch babe,” Dean said, kissing his temple, fingers gently threading through Cas’ dark strands.

            They were 15 minutes into the film when Cas was snoring softly against Dean, he’d turned at some point, pressing his face into Dean’s chest, arms winding around his waist. Dean chuckled lightly, holding him closer, and kissing his forehead.

            “How long you think his mojo is gonna be on the fritz?” Sam asked, hushed voice, head turned towards Dean.

            The smile on Dean’s face dimmed, “I don’t know, I mean, what if he’s becoming human…” he sighed once more, “I don’t know Sammy, but he seems happy right now, and if we can make that happen I’m happy too. Angel or not-angel be damned.” And when Cas snuffled in his sleep, urging closer, Dean held tighter.

            “Dean,” Cas mumbled.

            “Yeah baby?” Dean whispered against his cheek.

            “Love you,” Cas slurred.

            Dean exhaled a quiet laugh, “Love you too Cas, go back to sleep.”


	4. Brink of Being Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets sick as he recovers from the Lucifer effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I'm so sorry all my beautiful readers that I haven't update this, but I had an idea tonight and it came out and I hope ya'll love it!!! I still plan on adding to this, hence, why I kept it open :) I love you guys please review!!!!

Dean and Sam were officially worried when Cas came down with a cold, neither were sure if Cas had been sick at any point in time when he had been human. So here Dean was, with a lap-full of angel, stroking his back as he moaned, “It’s just a cold Cas, it’ll be over before you know it.”

            “I do not like this,” Cas snuffled, “And you should not be so close to me you will catch it as well.” he made a noise that may or may not have simply been ‘gah’ when he swallowed, tipping Dean off that his throat was swollen.

            “Nice, Cas,” Dean grimaced, “Don’t worry about me, I’ve got an iron clad immune system. Sam got sick a lot as a kid and I never seemed to catch it.” He had this itch to ask Cas ‘so what’s up with the human stuff’ but he was afraid of the answer, and Cas felt awful he didn’t want him worrying on top of it all.

            “I can’t seem to breathe very well, I never had this problem before,” Cas grumbled, and with Dean’s unspoken permission he buried his reddened nose in the crook of Dean’s neck, “I feel awful.”

            Dean kissed the top of his sweaty, mussed head, “I know, why don’t we get you in a Eucalyptus bath, that’ll help clear up some of your congestion.”

            “If it helps yes, please,” Cas blinked blurrily as he raised his head up, he groaned at the shift in positions.

            Dean frowned, biting at his bottom lip, “Come on, I’ll get ya fixed up, Sammy will be here soon with medicine. Sorry we were all outta stuff, booze doesn’t really help a cold, unless it’s a hot toddy.” he helped Cas up from the couch, leading him into the bathroom, he was thankful for these big claw-footed deals the bunker had. At first they were a little off putting, something he’d label straight out of One Flew Over the Coo coos nest. But there were two good reasons he found, one, they were deep, and secondly, two people could fit.

            “Sit down before ya fall down, Cas,” Dean said, situating him on the closed toilet, he turned to the three pegged knobs, turning both from right to left until he had the perfect temperature of water. He side-glanced at his angel, who was snuffling and huddling behind the blanket, eyes tight as he shivered. He hurried poured the medicinal bubble bath, damn near the whole thing. Pretty soon the whole room was filled with the strong smell of Eucalyptus, earthy and soothing.

            “Hey,” Dean murmured, tilting Cas’ head with the gentle nudge at this chin, he kissed the corner of his mouth, knowing if he full mouthed kissed him he would have a fight on his hands, “Almost full and then in ya go.”

            “Dean, I’m simply low on grace,” Cas said, grabbing Dean’s hand when he moved away, “This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m simply not use to being sick, not since I was human. It is unsettling I apologize for worrying you.”

            Dean felt his eyes stinging, “Cas, it’s okay,” he bent and brushed lips to his forehead, “I don’t want you apologizing, so stop it.”

            “But I’m worrying you,” Cas huffed.

            “Yeah, but that ain’t your fault. Okay, the tub is full, I know you’re cold but you need to get undressed to do this.” Dean said, rubbing both arms up and down Cas’ arms, pulling him close, “You want me to do it?”

            “Dean, I can do it,” Cas shivered.

            “I know you can, but you’re sick, just let me take care of you,” Dean argued, “I know this sucks but come on, you’ll feel better once you get in the water.” it should have been a battle, but it wasn’t and perhaps that was what made Dean worry even more. That he was able to peel Cas’ t-shirt over his head, of which Cas quickly wrapped both arms around his torso shivering, he quickly rid him of his pants and boxers, “Come on Cas, sweetheart, I know it sucks, get in the water.” he almost thought twice about it but then thought better and in one fell swoop tucked an arm underneath his thighs the other around his shoulders, lifting the naked angel into his arms all together and lowered him into the steaming water, “That okay?”

            Cas groaned loud, eyes closing and chest rising and falling fully with contentment, “Yes, thank you.” he sank further beneath the foaming water.

            “You need to stay in here for at least 20 minutes for it to work, it’ll loosen up all the gunk in your chest,” Dean said, smoothing the sweat damp hair from Cas’ face.

            “Alright,” Cas sighed, cheek resting against the cold porcelain, “Dean…will you stay with me?”

            Dean refrained from rolling his eyes, it being a natural response, but with Cas that was a no, all the way no, “Of course sweetheart,” he kneeled in front of the tub and thrummed his fingers through Cas’ damp locks, lightly scratching his scalp like he loved.

            “No,” Cas sniffed loudly, “I mean, will you get in with me? It’s very warm but I still feel cold.”

            Dean would usually shy away from something so ‘girly’ but then he stopped to think when did Eucalyptus make for a girly bath, and Cas’ ridiculously blue eyes were pleading. So he confessed, to at least himself, that that was the reason he was undressing quickly and then settling down behind Cas already tepid body, “Better?”

            “Very much so,” Cas sighed and then coughed, “I think it may be working.”

            “Just lie back against me, relax, the more deep breaths you take in the better, in through your nose and out through your mouth,” Dean said, scooping up handfuls of the medicinal water and running it over Cas’ chest. They were in the tub more than 20 minutes and at this point Dean was sure Cas had fallen asleep. Soft snores were his answer to that question, and as much as he hated to wake him it was getting uncomfortable, “Hey, Cas, baby, we gotta get out of the water, it’s getting cold. Not good for you, you feel better?”

            “Yes, much,” Cas mumbled, eyes heavy lidded, really, hardly an answer at all.

            Dean got out first, clumsily drying himself off and slipping on sleep pants while Cas dozed in the tepid water, “Cas, come on, don’t make me lift you, you’re a tiny nerdy dude but you’re heavy.”

            Cas grunted, but helped shift his weight when Dean tugged at his hands, and before long Dean had him clad in a towel perched on the edge of the bed. He really didn’t remember how he’d gotten to their bedroom, “Gonna get you dressed,” Dean said, and was working pajama bottoms up Cas’ naked legs, “Well it must have worked cause you’re really sleepy now, huh?”

            “Mhmm,” was Cas’ answer along with falling forward against Dean’s chest.

            “Into bed,” Dean whispered, straightening out Cas’ legs and arms beneath the covers, “Big baby.” he added.

            “Don’t leave,” Cas whined, eyes not opening but arms out.

            Dean smiled, against the rampant need to role his eyes, “Wasn’t gonna, scooch over,” he laid back to the bed, pulling Cas close to his chest.

 

~~~~~~~

            Dean was woken up by Cas sitting straight up in bed with a deep, throaty cough, however this time it was looser, and he thanked the plant that was Eucalyptus, “You okay?”

            “Yes, just choked a bit,” Cas coughed into a tissue and then sneezed, loudly, so much so he said ‘ouch’ afterward.

            “Good, that means you’re coming to a head with this thing, the looser the crap the closer you are to getting better.”

            “I wish I felt as such,” his face scrunched up with another sneeze, and this time the lightbulb blew out at their bedside, “I’m sorry!”

            “Whoa, Cas, was that you?” Dean jolted back from the end table.

            “It has happened before, my grace, it is weak but there, and I-I can’t control it,” he sneezed against, lurching him forward, forcing him to bend at the waist at the waist, “Ugh,” he blew into the tissue, “Dean…”

            “It’s okay Cas, shhh,” he rubbed the angel’s back and pressed a palm to his forehead, “Hold on I’ll go get you some medicine, Sam has to be back by now, don’t blow anything up.”

            “I-I’ll try,” Cas snorted into another wad of Kleenex.

 

            Dean hurried into the kitchen, finding Sam there unloading groceries, “Jesus, thank God you’re back, you get the Nyquil?”

            “Yeah right here, why, Cas worse?”

            “As in Angel cold worse, he’s blowing out lightbulbs when he sneezes!” Dean spat, snatching up the sickly bottle of green liquid, “Let’s hope it doesn’t get worse than that.”

            “But that’s good right? It means his grace is still intact,” Sam added, lining up cans of soup.

            Dean nodded, “Yeah, you’re right, that’s right, so it’s not a bad thing, just hope he feels better soon.”

            “And you don’t catch it, you’re a terrible patient,” Sam chuckled.

            “Whatever, you’re the big baby,”

            “Dean, you whine like a 3 year old when your fever gets above 99 don’t even play with me,” Sam smirked, “Let’s just hope lightbulb target practice is the only thing.”

            “Yeah, seems tame enough,” Dean laughed, “Heat him up some of that soup, he says he ain’t hungry but I know he is.”

            “On it,”

 

            “Cas, got some almost as awesome liquor for ya here,” Dean started.

            “Don’t come in!” Cas near screamed.

            Dean heard the lock slam into place, “Cas! Open this door! What’s wrong?!”

            “Dean I can’t!”

            To Dean’s horror he heard a sob, a very clogged, snuffly, sob, “Castiel, so help me your dad, or whatever, if you don’t open that door I’m gonna fucking knock it down!”

            Dean’s hand went for the doorknob again and the door pushed open and he could hear Cas sobbing, stuffed up sobbing and loud, “Cas, sweetheart, what is wrong?” but then he had his answer, there, spread out on the bed were raven like wings, and as soon as Dean entered they bunched up tightly to Cas’ back.

            “What happened?” Dean asked, eyes wide.

            “I haven’t enough will to keep them at bay,” Cas sneezed again, blue eyes scrunching, “They are revolting, disgusting,” he swallowed roughly then coughed.

            “Cas stop it, God, they’re beautiful,” Dean set the tray he was holding on the end table, moving forward without thinking, “C-Can I touch?”

            “Why?” Cas looked affronted.

            “Uh, I don’t know, cause they’re awesome? And I wanna feel?” Dean snorted, with a scoff.

            Cas licked his lips and then nodded, “T-They are not what they used to be.”

            “Cas, sweetheart, they’re beautiful,” Dean lamented, “You are an idiot if you thought I would say otherwise.” and since he was given permission, he ran one hand down the apex of his wing, splaying his fingers through the feathers, “So what does this feel like? Like when I scratch your scalp?”

            “Similar yes,” his wings flexed and poofed when Dean caressed the underside of the left.

            “Does it feel good?” Dean asked.

            Cas nodded, moving forward unconsciously into Dean’s space, cold forgotten as he nuzzled his shoulder.

            “Why didn’t you wanna show me?” Dean pushed further, both hands in the mix now as Castiel was in his embrace, he wrapped both arms around him, threading his fingers through the feathers over and over, every once and awhile scratching the flesh where the feathers connected.

            “Because,” Cas huffed, “They’re ugly…broken…”

            Dean interrupted him with a kiss, noticing that his congestion was indeed better, “They’re beautiful, and I don’t say that about much, so take it in. Cas…every little scar, patch where the feathers don’t grow in right is testament of your struggle. Your fight to stay with me, got it?”

            Cas’ eyes watered over thickly, so much he felt blind, “Yes,”

            “I love you, ya idiot.” Dean pulled the angel on top of him, so suddenly his wings spread out as a buffer. But when he was sure Cas felt safe they cocooned around him like a blanket, “They’re warm.”

            “Yes, they are,” Cas murmured, pressing his cheek to the pulse point of Dean’s throat, swinging a leg over Dean’s waist.

            “My Cas blanket, I don’t even need bedding,” Dean chuckled, arms sneaking around his waist and tugging him closer, “You feeling better?”

            “Much better,” Cas sighed, his nasal cavity clearer, shimming on top of the hunter and inhaling the scent of oil and earth.

            “Good,” Dean hummed, “And by the way, don’t wait until you’re sick to break out the wings sweetheart.”

            Cas may have laughed, it mirrored to close to a snort but he wrapped his wings around his human and sighed, and as he relaxed, Dean did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please review!!! You are denying Cas hugs if you don't! That's on you!

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE PLEASE review!!!!!! I'll write more stuff like this if you desire <3


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